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Disclaimer: I don’t want this to come across as a “poor me” post. This is just my opinion (unpopular or not) about something that people don’t really seem to talk about all that much, and a kind of therapy for me. The older I get, the more silly it seems to me that there are things that people don’t talk about that everybody goes through in some way or another. What’s a blog if not a vehicle to share your own opinions?
I don’t like the holidays, especially Christmas.
I haven’t liked Christmas since I was 10. My grandfather (who was one of my favorite people in the world) ended up in the hospital on my 9th birthday. It had snowed recently if I remember correctly, and he slipped cleaning his car off to come visit for my birthday. He hooked his armpit on his Cadillac’s side view mirror when he slipped and separated his shoulder. That hospital visit led to them finding cancer, too late to really do anything. They gave him 3 months to live, but he lasted about 18 months. Perhaps I feel guilty deep down, even knowing the outcome would have been the same regardless.
I don’t think that I’m cynical. Growing up my parents didn’t always get along, but they tried their hardest to make sure that I had a good childhood to the best of their ability. Also, I don’t ever remember talking to anybody about my grandfather getting sick, or the trauma of the cancer process.
Again, I was only 10. I don’t think I had the proper coping mechanisms to deal with somebody dying, let alone someone so important to me at such a young age. So I don’t know if I really ever properly processed it, or if I have some sort of weird trauma because of it. I know that a lot of times when I get overwhelmed I just shut down instead of dealing with things, which is not the healthiest response.
So, back to Christmas. Neither G nor I are big fans of the holidays, and we don’t typically exchange gifts with each other. We do the whole Christmas with the family thing, and we give presents to other people. (We’re not monsters!) We typically both buy the things that we need as we go along during the year. This method doesn’t typically result in a Christmas wish list.
The more I talk to people as an adult and learn about various topics, the more I realize that perhaps I don’t have the stress management and coping skills that I thought that I did. I do definitely have undiagnosed anxiety. I don’t think that I ever properly worked through the hard things that happened when I was younger, and it’s still impacting me today.
So long story short, I am not a Grinch. However, I definitely don’t have the same warm fuzzy feelings towards Christmas that other people do. I don’t hate Christmas. At this point it’s just an excuse to eat cookies and be mildly stressed out by family. I also don’t think having these feelings makes me (or anyone else) a bad person. It’s simply a different way to look at things.
What about you? Do you love Christmas? Or do you also have a hard time?
I'm a 30-something geek/nerd just trying to make it in life. My current obsessions are the Queer Eye reboot, Doctor Who, Outlander, and American Gods to name a few.
I also love hearts, stars, elephants, sushi, makeup, and self care. I’m a big believer in human rights and I’m a pitbull advocate as well.
I love to read, and you will often find me in a nook with a good book, or watching a Disney movie (preferably from the late 80s/early 90s).
When the local renaissance faire rolls around, you can find me there visiting my guy and our friends.
I live with my boyfriend of 6 years, our cat Pippin (a 10 year old pure-bred Blue Point Ragdoll) and our rescued pitbull mix (American Staffordshire Terrier/Boxer) Celia Mae.
I entered the realm of direct sales with Jamberry, and was a consultant for almost 2 years before finding Java Momma and Younique.
I firmly believe in supporting other DS sisters. My favorites are Paisley Raye, LipSense, Younique, Origami Owl, and Perfectly Posh.
Life is crazy, hectic, sometimes overwhelming, but so rewarding!!